Communication Tips Japanese Features Society and Customs

Communicating with New Japanese Friends

If you want to develop a close or intimate friendship with a Japanese person, then you have to be patient and cautious when communicating with him or her.

Image by Prawny Used Under CC

Japanese people have a different style of explaining things.  Also, they prefer indirect ways of expressing their thoughts and feelings while also expecting listeners (without ill intentions) to understand the implied messages.  Therefore, communication with a new Japanese friend sometimes results in frustration and misunderstandings, especially if the non-Japanese listeners are not familiar with these Japanese mannerisms.

First, the Japanese style of explaining things is totally different from the style in the US.  In the US, main points of your ideas or arguments should be expressed first and followed by explanations.  In Japan, on the other hand, main points are normally addressed in the end.  Therefore, you have to patiently listen to the end to understand what Japanese people mean.

 While engaged in the conversation, you should neither show your frustrations nor ask the speaker to get to the point even though you get so frustrated.  This is especially important when you are initiating the close or intimate friendship.

Upon the middle stage of developing your friendship, you could ask for them to change their explanation style.  However, it may not be so easy for them to adjust their style, unfortunately.

Secondly, you have to be aware of some delicate nuances in Japanese expressions.  For example, when you suggest something to Japanese people and hear them say "zensho shimasu," or "yoku kangaemasu" (which mean "I will try my best" or "I will sleep on it"), you should prepare yourself for negative outcomes.

These expressions imply that they positively respond on the surface (i.e., "tatemae") but they do not actually mean it (i.e., "honne").  Since Japanese people are in general well-trained to present the sugarcoated "tatemae" with sound-sweet implications, you must be puzzled until you get the full sense of how things are expressed.

If you are more interested in "honne and tatemae", check this post Zen Buddhistic Anger Management.